The last couple of days I've really noticed a battle in my mind. There's been the "that will taste good, you should eat it" and the "this tastes so good I definitely want some more" and the "you have no real reason to get up this early to work out."
Perhaps the battle has always been there, but I've certainly rarely fought it before. In the past it's always been more of a giving in to whatever whim I may have had. I'd find myself in the middle of eating something or waking up at the last minute and having to rush through the morning or gaining and losing the same five pounds. I would hate where I was and wonder how I got there. But I never really battled with the cravings.
Since 2012 began, though, and I've started claiming the spirit of self discipline that God has given me, it's been different. I've dragged myself out of bed at 5:00 a.m. day after day, in the freezing cold. I've frozen 90% of a cheesecake and put back a piece I'd taken out to eat simply because I found I was satisfied with what I'd already eaten. I've frozen leftover brownies and thrown out part of a piece of zucchini bread when I realized I was full. I've read two days' worth of Bible readings to catch up. I've also slept in, eaten even though I was full, and chosen to veg on the sofa instead of reading my Bible. You win some, you lose some.
Maybe all that living a self-controlled life involves is fighting these battles. Maybe it's recognizing the fight, listening to the voice, and making the wise choice. I wonder if there will come a point when it's just natural and easy to choose less or working out or self denial. Maybe not. Maybe the only difference between the way I was living and athletes winning gold medals is simply that they chose wisely more often than they don't.
Until I get to that point, I hope that I keep seeing both choices. I hope that I keep resisting my natural desires and choosing to be where God wants me to be. And I hope that when I mess up, I recognize the amazing grace that God pours down on me and extend a little bit of it to myself. I hope that I see what's in front of me; hear God say, "Rise up, Mighty Warrior"; and choose to fight with all I have.
2 comments:
Hey, this was a really thought-provoking post. It sounds hokey but you can reach your goals. I once ate 45 chicken wings in a sitting and I've been vegan for 15 days now. We are not defined by our past choices! :-)
Ahh, the spirit of self-discipline. I've realized over the last several months that I need the Holy Spirit to help me in my discipline, because leaving it up to me usually means failure. It is truly the spirit in us that enables us to deny ourselves. I'm fighting the battle with you, sista! Love you & SO proud of you. Thanks for sharing your journey.
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