Becoming More Than Yourself

I have recently begun to enjoy watching golf on television.  During that time, I've gotten to "know" a few of the golfers on the PGA tour and enjoy following them.  Typically my favorite golfers seem to develop a curse once I admit to liking them, and they don't do well, but then again I do like to root for the underdog.  That made it especially fun to see Bubba Watson and his pink driver win the Masters on Easter Sunday.

What made it the most fun, perhaps, isn't the way he won or even the fact that he never had a professional golf lesson growing up.  It is summed up in this simple statement: "I never got this far in my dreams, so this isn't a dream come true."

That really got me thinking.  I have a lot of dreams.  But I can't even begin to dream where I'll really end up in my life, what is actually in store for me. 

Several weeks ago, I entered a contest to get a devotional printed in a new Moms' Devotional Bible that Zondervan is publishing.  I never expected to make it through to the final round, and I burst into tears when I got the email from them telling me that I was a finalist.  Now, there are two days left until I hear whether my devotional or the other entry is the winner.  I've gone through several emotions since learning I was a finalist, and I keep thanking God for taking it this far--and asking Him to prepare me for when if I don't win.  I don't want to be too disappointed.  And, to be honest, like Bubba Watson, I never got there in my dreams.  I never dreamed about being published in a devotional Bible.  I never really dreamed about being a Christian author.  I have dreams that involve my stories, but the truth is that I have no clue what my future really looks like. 

When I start to get cocky about my writing or about my teaching or about any work that I'm doing, there's a voice that reminds me of the reality of who I am.  I'm a child of God.  He has given me the talent that I have.  Thomas Kincaid's mother told him when he was young that his talents were God's gift to him.  She went on to say that what he did with his talents was his gift to God.  That's what I need to remember, too.  So when I live out what I think are my dreams, instead I need to just live out my love for God.

In my Bible reading this morning, I came across these words of Jesus (as recounted in The Message in Luke 14:11): "What I'm saying is, If you walk around with your nose in the air, you're going to end up flat on your face.  But if you're content to be simply yourself, you will become more than yourself."

I need to cut that out and hang in on my music stand when I sing on the worship team on Sunday morning, on the mirror in my bathroom, on my computer, on my dashboard . . . I need to write it on my heart and engrave it on my hand.  Whether being simply myself is using a pink driver in my golf game or writing from my heart or singing loudly, that's who I need to be.  Because that's who God made me.  And, when I give it to Him--do it for Him--it's more than enough.  And He will make me more than myself.

Vacationing From Excuses

Oh, brother.  I took spring break off of work so I could play with my kids and begin the (not so) fun task of potty training my youngest.  Along with my vacation from work, I apparently took a vacation from all of the self discipline I've been working to cultivate.  I ate what I wanted, went to bed when I wanted, slept in almost every day, worked out not at all, fell behind in my Bible reading, and barely blogged.  Sounds awful to me.  Well, the relaxing and sleeping in was nice.  So was the eating out.  And somehow I lucked out and only gained 1.8 pounds, so perhaps I've learned some healthy eating-out habits.  But, still, I hate what I did.

In an attempt to get all of my excuses out of the way now and find my way back to how well I did in January, I give you every excuse I've used since February:

* I'm so tired.
* I ate well yesterday and have reached a weight lower than where I've been in almost a year.  One day won't hurt.
* But Hawaii Five-0 is on at 10:00 Monday nights--I can't wake up at 5:00 a.m. after I stay up that late.
* How many times will you get to eat from the ice cream store in March?  (For the record, I can give you three.  But they were all once-in-a-lifetime opportunities.)
* It's my vacation.  I deserve to sleep in.
* My workout buddies aren't going, so why should I?
* The kids barely slept last night.  I need one more hour.
* I'll work out tonight.
* I'll work out extra hard tomorrow.
* I'm out with friends, so I should get to eat whatever I want.
* I deserve this snack.
* Easter only comes once a year.
* If I eat it all in one day then I won't be tempted tomorrow.
* These workouts aren't working anyway.
* This headache is killing me.  I can't work out.
* Oh, I bet these sniffles are becoming a cold.  Better get extra sleep.
* I'm sore from yesterday's workout.  Better rest my muscles.
* I already screwed up--go big or go home.

What am I missing?  And what are your favorites?  Let's get them all out, start right now with the good choices, go to bed on time, wake up early, and do those bike sprints.  Instead of vacationing from good habits, I need to vacation from excuses.  Hopefully it will be even more painful to come back from that vacation!

Ode to Technology

I'm back!

After one (long) week without the internet, we now return to our regularly-scheduled (almost) daily blogging.  Whew.  It was a long week.  At one point toward the end, I said to a couple of friends, "You know, it's not so bad not to have the internet.  We just have a lot of questions that can't be answered."  It was a joke, but, as with all jokes, there was a grain of truth in it.

In that week, my husband and I learned a lot about ourselves:
* My husband discovered that he is addicted to an online game.  He can't let anyone pass him, so he had to check in every day, even to the point of using all of the data on his iPhone plan.
* We're even more grateful for our iPhones, or we would have been completely cut off.  Which would have been awful.
* Apparently I can't research anything without Wikipedia and IMDB.
* I also can't pay my bills or check my bank account without the internet.
* If I couldn't text, I'm also not sure I could have stayed connected with any of my friends.
* Strangely, it is extremely difficult to communicate with my new internet provider without some access to the internet.  Which I didn't yet have.

That really got me thinking.  How did two people who grew up without email addresses, internet research, or online banking and had to play board games or Minesweeper, wait for a bank statement to arrive in the mail, and dial 5-3-0-S-H-O-W for movie times end up here?  And why can't we fend for ourselves?  I had two people offer to let me go to their house to use their internet, and I very nearly went to ask my neighbor for his password so I could use his wireless.  It's rather like getting a calculator or cash register and then having to think hard about how to make change for a dollar.

Really, though, we're a society that depends on technology for almost everything.  The scale that weighs me in at the gym uses a computer.  The van that I drive around cannot function if the computer goes down.  I rely on weather.com and yp.com to answer questions that a phone call, check of the daily (HA!) newspaper, or flip through the phone book used to answer.  I track my weight gain and loss with my computer, work from home via remote access to my desk computer, arrange babysitters and double dates via email and texting, check restaurant menus and movie times on my phone . . . the list goes on and on. 

Technology can be such a gift.  And when it's taken away, it's hard to remember how life used to be before we had it.  In fact, when I look at my goals, there is really only one that I can accomplish without technology: daily Bible reading.  And it's the only one I'm going to meet this month.

A Battle Within

The last couple of days I've really noticed a battle in my mind.  There's been the "that will taste good, you should eat it" and the "this tastes so good I definitely want some more" and the "you have no real reason to get up this early to work out." 

Perhaps the battle has always been there, but I've certainly rarely fought it before.  In the past it's always been more of a giving in to whatever whim I may have had.  I'd find myself in the middle of eating something or waking up at the last minute and having to rush through the morning or gaining and losing the same five pounds.  I would hate where I was and wonder how I got there.  But I never really battled with the cravings.

Since 2012 began, though, and I've started claiming the spirit of self discipline that God has given me, it's been different.  I've dragged myself out of bed at 5:00 a.m. day after day, in the freezing cold.  I've frozen 90% of a cheesecake and put back a piece I'd taken out to eat simply because I found I was satisfied with what I'd already eaten.  I've frozen leftover brownies and thrown out part of a piece of zucchini bread when I realized I was full.  I've read two days' worth of Bible readings to catch up.  I've also slept in, eaten even though I was full, and chosen to veg on the sofa instead of reading my Bible.  You win some, you lose some.

Maybe all that living a self-controlled life involves is fighting these battles.  Maybe it's recognizing the fight, listening to the voice, and making the wise choice.  I wonder if there will come a point when it's just natural and easy to choose less or working out or self denial.  Maybe not.  Maybe the only difference between the way I was living and athletes winning gold medals is simply that they chose wisely more often than they don't.

Until I get to that point, I hope that I keep seeing both choices.  I hope that I keep resisting my natural desires and choosing to be where God wants me to be.  And I hope that when I mess up, I recognize the amazing grace that God pours down on me and extend a little bit of it to myself.  I hope that I see what's in front of me; hear God say, "Rise up, Mighty Warrior"; and choose to fight with all I have.

Growing Up

When you read about lifestyle changes, you generally read that you should start small.  How do you eat an elephant?  One bite at a time.  So you aren't supposed to try to do everything at once, but you should break it down into more manageable goals.

I didn't do that this year. 

The other day as I was working out, my workout buddy and I were chatting about our common goal to get healthier this year.  I explained to her that I felt like I needed to do it all at once because I've tried it piece by piece before, and I never make it.  I don't know if I get bored or feel like it's not making a difference or if I just get distracted.  Whatever it is, it never works.  So this year I decided to go for broke.  Put all my proverbial eggs in one basket.  Go big or go home.  Go all in.  (I have more cliches if you need them.)

Some mornings it feels crazy, but at the end of the day it always feels accomplished.  As I was reading my Bible this morning, it felt like something more.  It felt like growing up.

In a word, what I'm saying is Grow up.  You're kingdom subjects.  Now live like it.  Live out your God-created identity.  Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you.                                                                             Matthew 5:48, The Message

So, yeah.  I'm trying to eat the whole elephant in one bite.  I know that some morning it's going to feel more than crazy.  It's going to feel overwhelming.  But I also know that it's time I grow up.  God gave me the spirit of self-discipline.  Now I just need to live like it.  Live my God-created identity.  Be who I am.  So let's get to it.