G: for Game Plan

Month one is in the books!  And I did it!  Mostly.

A few excerpts from my journal:

Day One - Breakfast done.  Dishes washed.  Sinks and cupboards scrubbed.  Dishwasher running.  Blog post written . . . Boy can I start strong, though!

Day Two - . . . Kids may hate me when this is done, but I love our clean house.

Day Four - This project would likely be easier without a family to mess up my hard work behind me.  It tuns out I can be quite the screaming lunatic as I remind myself this is my experiment not theirs.  Still, cleaning up after their smoothie making is on them, right?

Day Eleven - And . . . stalled.  Bee guy came out and porch is un-usable.  Plus it's 8,000 degrees, so there is no painting or organizing happening . . . It turns out this keeping things clean is tricky when I'm barely home.  And when it is so hot.  I've also noticed the key really is cleaning every room as I move through it.  If only I could convince my kids to do the same.

Day Nineteen - Oh my.  Full confession time.  Not only has my room not been clean at bedtime every night, but it isn't even clean at all.  Like, not a single time . . . I'm not going to get all of these projects done this month.  But I'm loving the satisfaction of finishing up.

Day Thirty-one - I did it!  It was rough by the end, but I think I have a handle on the schedule I need.  Got our room clean and love keeping it that way.  We have also spent the day(s) fighting with the girls to get their rooms clean.  Now to get them to school and get their "back to school" stuff cleaned up and out of here.

How I did: I got the projects done (plus two)!  Cleaning each room as I walk through it is the key to this whole puzzle.  As is a schedule for deeper cleaning (so many spiders in this house!).  Also, family is unwilling to be enlisted to empty their laundry baskets.

What I'll continue:At least two projects completed per month.  Clean rooms as I walk through. Keep trying to enlist family. Create monthly and yearly schedule for cleaning.


Now on to month two!  I like this game plan bit with the goals as I try to continue this experiment of loving my actual life . . . by first getting to know my actual life and sorting it all enough that I can actually see it.

Month Two is "First Things First -- Mornings."  I used to be a morning person, but somewhere along the way I started staying up too late and barely functioning before 8:00 a.m.  Last school year that left us frantically running to beat the bus on our best mornings and arguing and crying on our worst (that would be me and at least one child crying).  Something's got to give if I'm going to love this actual life . . . and be a bringer of peace in the morning instead of a creator of chaos.

So, first things first.  Mornings.  We camped for Labor Day weekend, so I actually started today, Day Six.  The first day of school.

What I Will Actually Do:
* Wake up before the rest of my house.
* Be dressed and ready for the day by 7:00 a.m.
* Prep breakfast and leaving the house the night before (as much as possible).
* Go to sleep by 10:30 so all those things can happen.

What I Will Always Remember:

His compassions never fail.  They are new every morning.

                                                                                                        {Lamentations 3:22-23}

Every. Single. One.



{Have you checked out this book yet?  Go get it now.  You'll thank me.}

F: for Following Through

I met a goal!

Yeah.  Probably not something to brag about (and likely a bit embarrassing to make note of), but this is what we've come to, people.  It is, indeed, noteworthy for me to say I met a goal.

It was at the eleventh hour (actually just into the tenth), but I made it!

A few months ago I received this wonderful book from a friend of mine.  I read the introduction and cried my way through it.  I felt like the author, Alexandra Kuykendall, was speaking to me.  To me.  And why Baker would publish a book written expressly for me I didn't know, but I was so grateful they had.

Then I put the book on my shelf.  I didn't have time for its experiments and its challenges and its hardness.  I always intended to pick it back up, because I intended to do the experiments myself.  I intended to dedicate these next nine months of the school year to loving my actual life.  So, knowing how quickly I get distracted, I figured I should pick it back up.  I wanted to read through it all once before school starts the day after Labor Day and then go through it again, chapter by chapter, month by month.

Once I got started a week or so ago, I realized I needed to start my months a bit sooner.  So I revised my goal to finish the book before the end of July so I could get started on August 1.  Reasons to come in a minute.

It may sound silly, but I had to work to get this finished by July 31.  When the vacations end and the realities of being a work-at-home mom and a work-from-home mom set in, my reading time is relegated to the quickly fleeting hour between when my oldest is tucked in bed and when I should be tucked in bed.  That's also my "catch up on a TV show," "check Pinterest," "write," "tidy up the house," and "figure out the plans for tomorrow" time.  (See why I need this book?)  But this was important to me, and I was going to make it happen.

And I did!

I entitled this post "Following Through" not because I needed an F (though I did), but because that is one of my greatest challenges in life.  I am a fantastic starter.  There are very few people who can prepare and begin as well as me.  That said, most of the projects in my house are still unfinished, I have four started novels that dream of being submitted for publication and an additional five stories I've started for my sisters and friends which are still half untold, my Bible through the year plan has 1/4 of the check boxes empty, I keep gaining and losing the same ten pounds, my tennis shoes and running clothes are still stacked next to my bed, and the majority of the laundry in our house is washed and dried but unfolded in baskets in the basement and laundry room.

I'm a goal setter.  I'm a dreamer.  I'm not a doer.  I'm not a follow-througher.

Until last night.  Now I did it.  I set a goal for myself, I decided to bump it to a shorter time frame, and I did it!  I FOLLOWED THROUGH ON SOMETHING!

Yes!

So now what?  Now I can do it in other things.  That's what I've shown myself.  And I'm going to need that this year.  There have been many books I've thought, "Ooh, I'd like to work my way through this over the next month."  Those books are now dusty on my shelf, most of them more than half unread.  But this one is different.  This one needs to be different.  I feel like my life depends on this one.  At least loving it does.

Alexandra Kuykendall set out on a 9-month experiment to love her actual life, in its chaos and mundaneness and mess and joys.  And she laid out the plan for us to follow.  So I'm going to.  This is the life God gave me, and I think he meant for me to love it . . . not just tolerate it.

She started out with "embracing quiet."  I can see that, and I need to do that.  I need to do all the things, but this is a 9-month experiment.  And I'm going to start where I need to.  With following through.

Month 6 for Alex was Home Organization, but that's Month 1 for me.  There are a few reasons for that.  One is to show myself that I can follow through.  We moved into our house just over a year ago (like the end of the July), and I have several started projects to decorate and organize that I have planned or even begun (is a can of paint still good after one year if I never even opened it?) that are now shoved in a drawer or used as a door stop to keep the cat out of our bedroom (that can of paint is good for something at least!).  So I want to follow through with those, and I want to see progress.  Beautiful progress.  On my walls.  Another reason is because school starts next month.  This is my last month of summer, and I still haven't organized the papers and projects from last school year.  Before I bring the chaos of 2nd, 3rd, and 6th grades into my house I need to get rid of the chaos of 1st, 2nd, and 5th.  Finally, this is where I want to start.  So I might as well make it fun, right?

Month 1: Home Organization

What I will actually do:
Finish two house projects a week.  (Even if I have to hire them done.  Then I need to work that into the budget.)
Pick up items to put away as I walk through a room.
Make sure my bedroom is cleaned before I go to sleep.
Enlist the family's help in folding and putting away laundry so baskets are empty in the laundry room by Monday morning.
Clean up breakfast and lunch before dinner every day--including the dishes (don't judge; I'm bad at follow through remember?).

I'm going to journal my successes and failures like Alex did, and I'll even share some of what I learn here.  Then I'll list out Month 2 as well.  Because half of follow through is knowing someone will check in with you to see how you did.

Epic Mommy Moments

In my ongoing effort to cultivate a healthy  (ie. generous but realistic) self-esteem in my three daughters, I regularly talk to them about what they have to offer the world and all the things that make them special.  My mom started this with my oldest niece.  From the time each of my mom's five granddaughters was born, she would tell them a special "I love you" followed by a question: "And why do I love you so much?"  The girls have been conditioned from their earliest words to shout, "Just because I'm ME!" in response.  It has caused many laughs, see the "Just because I'm YOU!" and "Just because you're ME!" phases, but it has also grown to include the same response to others who ask a similar question, like when I asked my youngest daughter the other day.  I said, "Do you know why I love you like crazy, forever and ever, no matter what?"  Her answer warmed my heart, because she nailed it.

I also want to teach my girls to be awesome to each other because life is hard.  There are enough dream stompers in the world.  I want my girls to be dream builders, dream encouragers, dream deliverers, dream followers.  So sometimes when they get out of the van in the morning, I say, "Be great today!"  I don't mean "Be well-behaved," or "Do really well in school."  I mean, "Be great for someone else--be your best you."

My favorite song is Jennifer Knapp's "Martyrs and Thieves," and even though I know they probably will I still hope they won't ever have "ghosts from their pasts that own more of their souls than they thought they had given away."

Because I have those ghosts.  And I spend days telling them to shut up and working to convince them that their voices aren't the loudest in my ears.  And it's exhausting.  So I'd like to avoid that wherever possible.

To that end, the other day my two oldest and I had a "Martyrs and Thieves" conversation where I got to ask them the most important question I know for my own life: "Could it be that my worth should depend on the crimson-stained grace on a hand?"

And I told them the same is true for them.  Their worth depends on the crimson-stained grace on a hand.  There's freedom and confidence in that.

There's also permission to be awesome to other people and to yourself.  To be great.  And to be a dream builder, a dream encourager, a dream deliverer.  A dream follower.

So that was a win.  Even when they asked about the "crimson-stained" part and looked a little squeamish when I told them that was Jesus' blood.

Then a while back I read a blog post written from a father to his daughter. It really was great, and one of the things he said there is that he works hard to help his girls understand that while they are pretty and should try to take care of themselves, the most important beauty they possess comes from within. It's in their hearts. 

I like that question he asks when he tucks his daughter in at night.  "Honey, where are you the most beautiful?"

Well, what kind of mom would I be if I didn't take that opportunity?  So the other day I talked to my girls about that too. And it was an epic conversation that went a little something like this:

Me: "Girls, where do you think you are the most beautiful?"

Oldest daughter: "Um, my hair is nice."

Middle daughter: "My eyes?"

Oldest daughter: "No! My smile!"

Me: "Those do look nice. But really it's on your insides."

Oldest and middle daughters look at each other with disgusted expressions.

Middle daughter: "In our guts?!"

Me: "Well, not exactly.  I mean in your heart."

Oldest daughter: "Not too much better.  That's really gross and bloody."

Me: "Well, not your heart, really.  Not, like, the heart that beats your blood around.  But your inside.  You know, how you treat people and stuff."

Middle daughter: "Well, we are pretty nice.  So I guess we have beautiful guts."


You guys, they're 8 and 6 and 4.  And they get it!  They've figured out their worth depends on bloody hands, and they're most beautiful in their guts.  And the whole reason they are loved is because they are themselves.  They really get it!  My work here is done.

Vacation: Day One

Day one of vacation:

* Laid in bed for 1/2 hour after I woke up.

* Lost my temper (before 9:00 a.m.).

* Signed Ellie up for a summer reading club.

* Dropped Ellie and two friends off at church for a field trip to Blanford Nature Center.

* Weeded my garden and picked cilantro, dill, and lettuce.  Trimmed the tomatoes and cucumbers, determined not to have unmanageable growth of greens and no tomatoes this year.  Realized I never remembered to plant spinach and wondered what happened to all of the carrot seeds Meg planted a few weeks ago.

* Neglected to notice that Addie and Kate decided to play in the puddle at the bottom of the kiddie pool . . . fully clothed.

* Discovered that I had a number of work emails (thanks a lot, "Smart" phone) so I checked them.  Discovered that we were awarded a two-year grant funding $10,000 (1/2) of the expansion of our body-safety and sexual-abuse prevention program so we can train 1,000 preK-1st graders as well as 10,000 2nd-5th graders.  Danced a jig.  Called my boss.  Called the program coordinator.  Wrote the thank you/receipt letter.  Danced another jig.

* Realized I had made it exactly 3 1/2 hours into my vacation without checking my work email.  (FAIL.)

* Made two PB&J sandwiches (Addie and Kate) and one Cheese & Pickle sandwich with mayo and ketchup (obviously Meg) and then ate half of a sweet and juicy honeyrock melon while I was cutting that for the kids' lunch.

* Put a 4 year old and two 2 year olds down for naps.  Which they took.  Still pinching myself.

* Folded four loads of laundry.

* Realized I had written some incorrect information in the thank you/receipt letter.  Called my boss.  Again.

* Broke my personal rule regarding number of children at the store and took three kids grocery shopping.  Spent less money than I feared I would.  And didn't cry like I feared I would.  (WINNING.)

* Arrived at the cottage in sweltering heat.  Found myself hoping gauchos are still in style and then wondering where I could buy some.  (Can they please still be in style?  Are they?  I've never worn anything more comfortable and only got rid of my two pair because they were maternity and don't stay up without that 3rd-trimester bump.)

* Enjoyed a golf cart ride with the girls on which we actually all got cold.  First time in weeks.  Felt amazing.

* Prayed with each of the girls and tucked them in.  Zero crying from anyone at bedtime. 

* Plans for the rest of the night: playing on Facebook, blogging, watching the Tigers, reading Real Simple and Vanity Fair, staying up way too late, sleeping on the porch under three blankets.

Hmmm . . . haven't lost my temper since 9:00 this morning.  Must be vacation.

A Love Story

Once upon a time a boy and a girl grew up, in separate towns, with different families.  After he graduated from high school, the boy made his way to the middle of the mitten to begin the rest of his life.  Two years later, the girl also left her home and her family to settle into a new town, make new friends, and (eventually) marry her high school sweetheart.

Because life doesn't always work they way it's planned, the girl's relationship ended.  Three months later, the boy accepted God as his Savior and began attending a Christian fellowship group.  There, the boy and the girl met.  One day, the boy and the girl were assigned to call each other with a reminder about their volunteer work for the group.  The boy made the girl laugh.  But that wasn't love.

The boy and the girl became fast friends, and they discovered that God wanted them to get married.  So, fourteen years ago today, they did just that.  They danced to "Shameless," and they were in love.  But that wasn't love.

Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death should separate you and me.  Ruth 1:16-17

Even though they had a beautiful wedding and made wonderful vows to each other, and even though their friends all wished them happily ever after, things went differently.  Three years after they married, the boy and the girl realized that they didn't want to be married to each other anymore.  They decided to separate.  While they were apart, they discovered that God truly had other plans for them and their marriage.  So they fought.  Instead of fighting with each other, they fought next to each other, for each other.  And that was love.

I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten.  Joel 2:25

Over the years, they have settled into a deep friendship and into their lives together.  There are now three beautiful girls and one child in heaven.  A household of two has become a household of five.  They haven't always been happy, but they have always been committed . . . to each other, to God, to their family.  And that was love.

It's hard to know--or even imagine--what life could hold next for the boy and the girl.  They have their plans and their dreams, but they don't know.  Today they are in love, and they are best friends.  God has helped them go and stay together.  One day death will separate them.  But until then, God truly has repaid them for the years of their marriage that the locust stole, and He has given them love.

And we're dancing in the minefields
We're sailing in the storm
This is harder than we dreamed
But I believe that's what the promise is for

So when I lose my way, find me
When I loose love's chains, bind me
At the end of all my faith, till the end of all my days
When I forget my name, remind me

'Cause we bear the light of the Son of Man
So there's nothing left to fear
So I'll walk with you in the shadowlands
Till the shadows disappear

'Cause he promised not to leave us
And his promises are true
So in the face of all this chaos, baby,
I can dance with you

"Dancing In the Minefields," Andrew Peterson

Beau, I love you.  I'd happily be the girl who went to Central and met you and married you and fought with you and fought for you and fought next to you and birthed our beautiful children and worked with you to raise them and spent fourteen years (so far) dancing through the minefields with you.  Because He promised not to leave us, and His promises are true.  So I'll walk with you in the shadowlands 'till the shadows disappear.  530

A Hiccup

While I won't do this every week (never fear; I'll be certain to bore you in other ways!), I think it's helpful for me to look back over the hiccup that was last week.  In every way that week one was a great success, week two was a terrific challenge. 

* Physically - I snacked a bit and gave into some cravings, but for the most part I'm doing okay on my eating.  It hasn't exactly been a "food is fuel" reminder, but my snacks were (mostly) healthier than the norm for me.  That said, I barely worked out last week.  I didn't work out Monday morning because Leah (my workout buddy) wasn't feeling the greatest and didn't want to push it since we were both looking forward to Pilates at night.  We did go to Pilates, and it hurt worse than almost anything I've ever done.  It certainly hurt longer.  And I was amazed to find out that 90% of my weight is apparently in my legs.  Or at least it was by the 85th time the instructor made me lift them.  That soreness meant I didn't work out Tuesday morning.  Then Wednesday I had a thing with my toe (trust me, too gross for such a public forum!!).  We worked out Thursday morning, but then there was a blizzard on Friday.  We planned to work out Saturday, but our cram-too-many-things-into-one-day schedule didn't allow for that.  I did sleep more, but mostly only because I didn't get my lazy butt out of bed in the morning.  Somehow in the middle of all of that, I hit my goal and have lost 2.8 pounds since 2012 began.

* Spiritually - Because I didn't get out of bed to work out or even in time to sit down and read my daily Bible and prayer readings, I fell behind.  I hated that feeling and have now caught up (reading five days' worth Sunday, yesterday, and today, splitting up the four sections each day).  In a way it was helpful to have skipped the readings, because it allowed me to see how different my attitude is when I read my Bible in the morning versus when I don't.  My oldest is NOT a morning person, so the morning routine can get a bit tense at our house as I need to remind her several times to get her shoes on, finish her milk, brush her teeth, find her coat, and go back in the house to get her bag.  Last week my temper flared, and I was short with her almost every morning.  There was a lot of yelling on Friday, too, as she was home for the snow day and less than enthused about spending the day here instead of with her friends.  Then, this morning, her routine was no different.  There were still countless reminders, but I just had so much more peace.  There's a lesson in that as I reflect on all that starting my day in the Word brings to my life.  I stink at writing down my daily "thankful" notes, so my focus really needs to be on that in order to make it a habit.


* Creatively - I still haven't written my review for my first book of the year, and I'll be finishing book number two either today or tomorrow.  So, maybe you'll get lucky and receive TWO book reviews in one week.  I know you can't wait.  The late start to my days has also made blogging tricky, so I'm behind in that.  It's interesting that I've begun thinking in "blog" as I confront my day looking for what I want to make a subject or where my muses lie.  I've missed thinking that way and enjoy the feeling of being a writer that it gives me. 

I had a conversation today with my Writer Friend as we discussed my full DVR.  She said that maybe there would come a point soon that I say "If I haven't watched it in X weeks, then I need to just delete it" or that I consider the fact that there are X number of episodes stored there and I'm losing interest in catching up . . . for some reason I don't like that idea.  It seems so strange that I should care so much, but there's something about me that is clinging to the fact that I'm missing out.  On what, I'm not really sure.  Many of the shows I don't even miss.  "Hawaii Five-O" is the only show that I will actually stay up late to watch, and there are only a few that I wish I had time to sit down and enjoy.  But deleting those others--the ones I have three or four episodes stored--just feels so final.  Like I'm acknowledging that self discipline sometimes means giving up vegging on the sofa wasting time over the latest hilarity to hit Marshall and Lily or what havoc Jack (& the Beanstalk) is creating for everyone's favorite Grimm and what songs Blaine and Curt are mashing together at McKinley.  I know I don't care about it, but I think I care about not just lying around every day and actually getting several things accomplished--by 8:30 a.m.
For the mean time, I have this blog entry completed, Peter Alexander is filling me in on the latest campaign news on the Nightly News, Bossypants is waiting for me to finish it before tomorrow night's book club, and my wonderful husband is finishing up his dinner date with our three beautiful daughters.  A hiccup is a just a hiccup, and this week is back on track.

One Week

So it's been one week since we started 2012.  That's an appropriate time for an assessment of how I'm doing meeting my goals so I know if I need to kick it in gear or revise anything that might be a bit over the top.

* Physically - I have been doing much better with my food.  There have been many days when I have not eaten what I was craving, because I put it off long enough that I forgot about it.  I did have a hamburger on Sunday, but it was only after choosing salads and healthier foods for four days instead of the burger I wanted.  Also, I worked out at 5:15 a.m. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday; took the girls for a (brief) walk on Saturday; and walked 1.8 miles to a friend's house on Sunday.  Not 45 minutes a day, but definitely far better than I had been.  I've been averaging 6-7 hours of sleep a night, so I need to kick that in gear.

* Spiritually - I have read the Bible every day but one and am on track with my KINGDOM Reading Plan.  I've also been praying more regularly (led by Everyday Prayers by Scotty Smith) and have kept (mostly) current on my blessings list.

* Creatively - I finished my first book of the year, The Discovery of Witches, by Deborah Harkness (review to come tomorrow or later today).  I have also blogged every day but one.  I couldn't blog that day, though, because the internet was down.

All in all, I'd say this is going quite well.  As I was getting into bed last night, I thought about how I've "magically" had enough time to do things that I haven't been able to do before.  I thought about my fairly clean house--not even a goal, though it should have been (should probably add doing laundry into the goal list!--the organized playroom, the dishes done, and our morning routine organized.  And then I wondered how I possibly had time to do all of this when I didn't actually gain anything more than one hour in my morning.

Then I thought about how full my DVR is.  Oh.  So that's where I got those extra hours each day . . .