G: for Game Plan

Month one is in the books!  And I did it!  Mostly.

A few excerpts from my journal:

Day One - Breakfast done.  Dishes washed.  Sinks and cupboards scrubbed.  Dishwasher running.  Blog post written . . . Boy can I start strong, though!

Day Two - . . . Kids may hate me when this is done, but I love our clean house.

Day Four - This project would likely be easier without a family to mess up my hard work behind me.  It tuns out I can be quite the screaming lunatic as I remind myself this is my experiment not theirs.  Still, cleaning up after their smoothie making is on them, right?

Day Eleven - And . . . stalled.  Bee guy came out and porch is un-usable.  Plus it's 8,000 degrees, so there is no painting or organizing happening . . . It turns out this keeping things clean is tricky when I'm barely home.  And when it is so hot.  I've also noticed the key really is cleaning every room as I move through it.  If only I could convince my kids to do the same.

Day Nineteen - Oh my.  Full confession time.  Not only has my room not been clean at bedtime every night, but it isn't even clean at all.  Like, not a single time . . . I'm not going to get all of these projects done this month.  But I'm loving the satisfaction of finishing up.

Day Thirty-one - I did it!  It was rough by the end, but I think I have a handle on the schedule I need.  Got our room clean and love keeping it that way.  We have also spent the day(s) fighting with the girls to get their rooms clean.  Now to get them to school and get their "back to school" stuff cleaned up and out of here.

How I did: I got the projects done (plus two)!  Cleaning each room as I walk through it is the key to this whole puzzle.  As is a schedule for deeper cleaning (so many spiders in this house!).  Also, family is unwilling to be enlisted to empty their laundry baskets.

What I'll continue:At least two projects completed per month.  Clean rooms as I walk through. Keep trying to enlist family. Create monthly and yearly schedule for cleaning.


Now on to month two!  I like this game plan bit with the goals as I try to continue this experiment of loving my actual life . . . by first getting to know my actual life and sorting it all enough that I can actually see it.

Month Two is "First Things First -- Mornings."  I used to be a morning person, but somewhere along the way I started staying up too late and barely functioning before 8:00 a.m.  Last school year that left us frantically running to beat the bus on our best mornings and arguing and crying on our worst (that would be me and at least one child crying).  Something's got to give if I'm going to love this actual life . . . and be a bringer of peace in the morning instead of a creator of chaos.

So, first things first.  Mornings.  We camped for Labor Day weekend, so I actually started today, Day Six.  The first day of school.

What I Will Actually Do:
* Wake up before the rest of my house.
* Be dressed and ready for the day by 7:00 a.m.
* Prep breakfast and leaving the house the night before (as much as possible).
* Go to sleep by 10:30 so all those things can happen.

What I Will Always Remember:

His compassions never fail.  They are new every morning.

                                                                                                        {Lamentations 3:22-23}

Every. Single. One.



{Have you checked out this book yet?  Go get it now.  You'll thank me.}

Everything We Need to Know We Learned While Training Dragons

I meant to share this a while ago, when I first took my three daughters (and my dad) to see "How To Train Your Dragon 2" over the summer.  But then life happened (or laziness ensued or distraction set in or insert any other excuse here), and I didn't get around to it.  Then my nieces watched it during our family Christmas celebration, and news events happened in our country, and I was reminded.

So, in the theme of things as I close out 2014, better late than never.

While I was watching "How to Train Your Dragon 2," two themes kept coming to mind.  They, coupled with something I listened to myself whisper as I held my frightened four-year-old daughter on my lap, made up three truths about life I've learned over the last several years.  And, as I watch the news each day, I see how essential it is that I teach them to my girls.

It's been too long for me to give specific references to the film, and maybe they aren't even as important as real-life examples, so here goes nothing.

1) Talking and getting to know new people is better than fighting.
Our country is on the cusp of something major.  In college I studied the Civil Rights Movement, and in the cry of silent protesters and angry crowds I see so much history being repeated.  On another front there are lines being drawn about gay rights and transgender individuals and what is Christian and what is right. Then there is addiction--both the addicts themselves and the people who desperately love them and want to be enough for them . . .

We're in a mess of hurting people, and "we" as the Church are too often stepping up to the wrong side of those lines.  Yes.  There is right and there is wrong.  But God never asked us to judge the heart of man.  He asked us to love His children.  If I insist on pointing out the right and the wrong and ignore the brokenness and desperation, am I doing that?  No.  So.  Talking and getting to know people is better than fighting.  We need each other.  We need each other for what we can learn from people who are different than us, and we need each other for what we can share with people who are different than us.  And, most importantly, we need each other because without each other I'm not sure we can ever see a true picture of the God who created each of us.

2) Work together to fight the bullies.
Maybe this lends itself to #1 up there.  We. Need. Each. Other.  Period.  There's nothing more to it than that.  There are bullies in this world.  Some of them are big and physically violent.  Some of them are small and insidious.  Some of them are in the pews next to us in our churches.  Some of them stand in our capitol buildings.  Some of them wear a badge and carry a gun.  Some of them work on our news stations or in a cubicle next to us.

But, it's important to remember that not all of the people in those roles are bullies.

As I'm involved in a Global Learners' Initiative through my daughters' school district I have learned one important lesson: NEVER go alone.  Find a friend.  A buddy.  Someone who has your back.  Because here's the thing.  The bullies are tough.  Their insecurities and ignorance and hatred make them formidable, and their desperation makes them dangerous.

So don't go alone.

Let's join together.  Alone we can get killed.  Alone we can bend and break under the pressure.  Alone we can get laughed out of the room.

If you see a bully who needs to be fought, ask a friend to join you.  If you see a friend who's fighting a battle, join in.  Don't quarrel about differences in technique or philosophy or theology or interpretation.  Just fight alongside someone who needs it.

Fight the bullies with truth and goodness.  Maybe we'll get beaten in this battle.  But we'll win the war.

3) "It might get scary, but it will be okay."
This one is my favorite.  During the great battle scene at the end of the moview, my youngest daughter crawled onto my lap and whispered that she was scared.  I wrapped my arms around her, squeezed her tightly, and whispered back, "Baby, it will be okay.  It might get scary, but it will be okay."

There is truth to this, I realized as I heard my words.  That's life, friends.  It gets scary sometimes.  But it will be okay.

What a year my family had closing out 2013 and throughout 2014.  We were betrayed by friends--publicly.  Lies were told.  Tears were shed.  Curse words were uttered.  Truth is still taking its time stepping into the light.  In the middle of all of it, a brother ended his fight with PTSD.  And now, at the end of it (we thought), my dad has been diagnosed with prostate cancer.  His prognosis is good, though the cancer is aggressive.  Still, it's cancer.  There will be surgery and, depending on what the doctors find, maybe treatments.

It might get scary, but it will be okay.

We have faith.  And we have God.  And we have each other.  And we have grace.  And we know that in the end, it will all be okay.


Let these three lessons carry us into the new year, friends.  Let this be the year that the Church stops caring about semantics and starts caring about the heart of Christ.  Let this be the year that the bullies are fought against and that the bullied find us standing with them.  Let this be the year of hope in the midst of the fear that everything really will work out in the end.  And, in the middle of it all, let us find grace and love and joy.

Getting Back On Track

Ah, the lazy, hazy days of summer.  A little too hazy and humid this year for my taste, but still, they were lazy days.  And, if I'm honest, they were way too lazy.

Summer is the break we all need, right?  For as long as I can remember, my life has been divided into "school year" and "summer break."  Even now that I've been out of college and working at a "real job" for 13 years(!), that hasn't changed.  Most years I welcome the break and the change in pace.  This year, it's thrown me for a real loop.

I began the year with wonderful and lofty goals.  Goals I've been longing to achieve for most of my adult life--writing more, reading my Bible more, eating better, losing weight.  They have always required more discipline than I could tap into in my feeble brain, so I've always failed.  This year was going to be different.

And it was!  For the first month, I did great.  The second and third months wavered, but I still tried and was still committed.

Then, those lazy, hazy days of summer arrived.  The kids got a break from their routine, and I took one too.

Now, I find myself nearing the last quarter of the year, weighing the same as I did when I started, eating poorly, my gym card gathering dust, my Bible reading plan crossed off through June, and my blog updated once a week . . . maybe.  (I am ahead on my book reading goals, but I'm not sure anyone other than the Grand Rapids Public Library should be proud of that.)

So now I find myself trying to get back on track.  A series of books I just finished, the Chaos Walking trilogy, truly does contain some perfect lines (thanks, Amy), and one of those weaves its way through each of the three books: "It isn't whether you fall down, it's whether you get back up."  So, here I am.  The measure of Beka in 2012 isn't whether I fell down.  I've fallen down every year that I've tried to better my life.  The measure of Beka in 2012 is that I'm getting back up.  I've never done that before with these goals.  The other measure is that I'm doing it bathed in prayer and begging God to drag me back up.  Maybe I learned more by falling down than I would have by staying on my own two feet.  Isn't that always the way?

So, here I am.  At the demands of my dear friend Julie (who won't read this, because she never does), I am not looking backwards at where I would be today if I hadn't fallen.  I'm looking forward at where I can get by keeping my hand in His and moving.  I have a plan to continue (and finish!) my journey through the Bible in 2012.  I will accomplish it, because I want to, and because when I don't want to, I'm begging God to make me want to.  I have a plan to write more--maybe on my blog or maybe on secret projects to get DearEditorFriend off my back--and I have a plan to eat better.  I need to make a plan (ie. a schedule, so I don't just sit and watch TV) to work out and still manage to get my house clean and my kids to school in time.

It's a busy life, to be a mother.  It's a busier life, to be a mother with a dream.  So when I fall down, I'm going to get back up.  Because it's a sad life to spend all your days in the lazy, hazy days of summer.

Breaking the Silence

This may be the longest break I've taken from blogging since 2012 and my new goals began.  Now that we're (more than--how did that happen!?) half way through the year, it's worth an update.  Or at least a post.

Summer makes life hard, doesn't it?  For some reason I always think the break from school will mean a break from the busyness, and that's never the case.  This summer has brought with it intolerable (for most of us anyway) heat.  That has led to me not sleeping at night, which has led to me not waking up at 5:00 a.m. to go to the gym and come home and read my Bible.  Which leads to most of my goals not being met.

My girlies and I just returned from a two-week vacation at my parents' cottage where we (thankfully!) had air conditioning to make it through the hottest temps in decades or even centuries.  We brought back with us suntans, certificates from passing to a new level of swimming lessons, a renewed commitment to achieving our goals, and a serious head cold.  Which again means I'm not sleeping, not working out, and . . . not eating!  I have no appetite, so this has been a great time to force myself into more salads and fruits.  After all, if I don't feel like eating but I know I need to eat, I might as well make it healthy, right?  So now I've lost 2 1/2 pounds since I returned home.  I'll take it!

On vacation, I also rediscovered the blog of a friend of a friend who has now lost two unborn babies.  They had the funeral for their second daughter two months ago.  Since I had the time, I read through all of her blog posts from her miscarriage of their first daughter, Eden.  What a beautiful gift for this mama who still grieves her baby Zion.  You'll find updates for them in my blog roll (Sprinkles & Wrinkles).  If you've ever lost a baby, or even if you haven't, she is an amazing writer who truly captures joy and peace in the midst of grief.

Then, at the end of vacation, my family learned that an old friend of our family's--and a former babysitter whom my sister bit :D--was just diagnosed with breast cancer.  I added her blog (Stacey's Boobies) today and will stay updated for prayer and the self-discovery and learning that inevitably comes with reading about someone's journey through the valley.

There were also happy times:
* The girls and I took my dad to see "Brave" at the movie theater.  They didn't like the scary bears, but we all agreed that mommy can be a bear sometimes but that doesn't mean mommy doesn't love them fiercely too.
* My friend Shannon and I went to see two movies: "Rock of Ages" and "Magic Mike."  The acting was terrible in "Magic Mike," and they were both cheesy comedies, which I think only one meant to be.  I'd recommend one over the other.  I'm sure you can guess which.
* I went to see "People Like Us," which I have been waiting for since filming began and it was still known as "Welcome to People."  I'm a huge Chris Pine fan, and he did a great job.  Michelle Pfeiffer was also splendid, and I appreciate that she looks her age.  I liked it far more than most of the reviews suggest I should.
* I learned that the son of a former classmate of my parents (at Kalamazoo Christian High School) will be representing the USA in steeplechase at the London Olympics in a couple of weeks.  Go USA and go Evan Jager!  (Now I guess I need to find out when steeplechase will be run . . . and dove and leaped and all the other things it is.)
* I discovered Words with Friends.  Which is probably why I haven't blogged at all.
* I read several books and made it through 1 1/2 grocery bags worth of old magazines.  Yes, I recycled them all.
* I had the opportunity to get almost caught up in my Bible reading.  Job in The Message is fantastically sassy and well-written.  And Jeremiah might be crazy.  Or at least long winded.

It was a great vacation, but I'm glad to be home, even with this cold.  Now that I'm back, I'll try to be better.  Or at least make an effort.

Branching Out

I had an epiphany today.  As I was reading Sports Illustrated, I came across something I wanted to blog about.  I thought, "EEK!  I can't have two sports-related posts in a row!"  So then I was trying to figure out what to do, how to make it work in my head and on my blog . . . and then the lightbulb.

I have another blog.  I have for years.  In fact, it was the first blog (after Xanga, which is crazy), though I haven't posted in it since I moved everything to this blog.  Why don't I just hijack that one for sports posts?  I'm still meeting my goals, because the point was to try to write daily.  It wasn't to try to write daily on Better Than A Hallelujah.  It was the writing.

So, I'm branching out.  You can read what you want, but I encourage you (the five of you who also love sports) to check out She Loves Sports (originally known as FunnyWriterGirl).  Here's my first post: "It's All About Money." 

And now I got two posts in one day.  Because I'm clever.  :)

Becoming More Than Yourself

I have recently begun to enjoy watching golf on television.  During that time, I've gotten to "know" a few of the golfers on the PGA tour and enjoy following them.  Typically my favorite golfers seem to develop a curse once I admit to liking them, and they don't do well, but then again I do like to root for the underdog.  That made it especially fun to see Bubba Watson and his pink driver win the Masters on Easter Sunday.

What made it the most fun, perhaps, isn't the way he won or even the fact that he never had a professional golf lesson growing up.  It is summed up in this simple statement: "I never got this far in my dreams, so this isn't a dream come true."

That really got me thinking.  I have a lot of dreams.  But I can't even begin to dream where I'll really end up in my life, what is actually in store for me. 

Several weeks ago, I entered a contest to get a devotional printed in a new Moms' Devotional Bible that Zondervan is publishing.  I never expected to make it through to the final round, and I burst into tears when I got the email from them telling me that I was a finalist.  Now, there are two days left until I hear whether my devotional or the other entry is the winner.  I've gone through several emotions since learning I was a finalist, and I keep thanking God for taking it this far--and asking Him to prepare me for when if I don't win.  I don't want to be too disappointed.  And, to be honest, like Bubba Watson, I never got there in my dreams.  I never dreamed about being published in a devotional Bible.  I never really dreamed about being a Christian author.  I have dreams that involve my stories, but the truth is that I have no clue what my future really looks like. 

When I start to get cocky about my writing or about my teaching or about any work that I'm doing, there's a voice that reminds me of the reality of who I am.  I'm a child of God.  He has given me the talent that I have.  Thomas Kincaid's mother told him when he was young that his talents were God's gift to him.  She went on to say that what he did with his talents was his gift to God.  That's what I need to remember, too.  So when I live out what I think are my dreams, instead I need to just live out my love for God.

In my Bible reading this morning, I came across these words of Jesus (as recounted in The Message in Luke 14:11): "What I'm saying is, If you walk around with your nose in the air, you're going to end up flat on your face.  But if you're content to be simply yourself, you will become more than yourself."

I need to cut that out and hang in on my music stand when I sing on the worship team on Sunday morning, on the mirror in my bathroom, on my computer, on my dashboard . . . I need to write it on my heart and engrave it on my hand.  Whether being simply myself is using a pink driver in my golf game or writing from my heart or singing loudly, that's who I need to be.  Because that's who God made me.  And, when I give it to Him--do it for Him--it's more than enough.  And He will make me more than myself.

Reviewing Month One

Looking back, this month has gone quite quickly.  I want to take a few minutes to review month one, make any adjustments that I need to, and move forward into February.  Overall, I feel good about how January ended, and I certainly see places where I can improve.

* Physically:
Goal - I want to lose 60 pounds by December 31.  This comes out to about five pounds a month, and as of last Saturday, I have lost 4 pounds.  These are 4 pounds that I've lost and gained several times over the past several months, but this time they're gone for good.  (Positive self talk works, right?)

Plan - I have not been exercising at least 45 minutes each work day.  I have come close--averaging about five days a week.  I have done well at controlling my portions, and I've mostly stopped eating when I was full.  At the beginning of the month I did a better job delaying my cravings and choosing not to give in.  Over the last two weeks I've done less well with that.  So this month I need to work out more and win the craving battles.

* Spiritually:
Goal - I want to read through the Bible this year and live a more grateful life. This morning I started reading the February readings, so I'm doing very well with my reading.

Plan - Nearly every morning I have started with my Bible, even if I haven't first worked out.  The days when I've chosen to sleep in, I have done so intending to still wake up by 6:30 so I can spend time reading and praying.  I'm not current in my prayer book, but I've tried to be more conscious about living a prayerful day.  I've also done a terrible job keeping current in my blessings calendar.  That's my biggest area for improvement this month.  If I'm grateful, I can write it down.  If I'm not writing it down, I feel like I'm saying that I'm not grateful.

* Mentally:
Goal - I want to blog at least 25 days a month, and I want to read at least 24 books this year. This is post number 25 for January, so that's exciting.  I have also completed two books and am a good chunk of the way through my third.  There's also a fourth in progress on my Kindle, but that's a Stephen King, so I'm going to need a while.

Plan - One of the books I read in January was our book club book, and one was a book that has been on my book list for about six months.  This third one I'm reading has also been on my list for a long time.  I don't really have a lot of need for improvement in this area, though I'd like to read my book club books with less procrastination from now on.  My February nights are quite busy at the beginning of the month--co-chairing the Scholastic Book Fair at Ellie's school--so it will be a feat to get both books done.  It will definitely take some self discipline.  :)

A Hiccup

While I won't do this every week (never fear; I'll be certain to bore you in other ways!), I think it's helpful for me to look back over the hiccup that was last week.  In every way that week one was a great success, week two was a terrific challenge. 

* Physically - I snacked a bit and gave into some cravings, but for the most part I'm doing okay on my eating.  It hasn't exactly been a "food is fuel" reminder, but my snacks were (mostly) healthier than the norm for me.  That said, I barely worked out last week.  I didn't work out Monday morning because Leah (my workout buddy) wasn't feeling the greatest and didn't want to push it since we were both looking forward to Pilates at night.  We did go to Pilates, and it hurt worse than almost anything I've ever done.  It certainly hurt longer.  And I was amazed to find out that 90% of my weight is apparently in my legs.  Or at least it was by the 85th time the instructor made me lift them.  That soreness meant I didn't work out Tuesday morning.  Then Wednesday I had a thing with my toe (trust me, too gross for such a public forum!!).  We worked out Thursday morning, but then there was a blizzard on Friday.  We planned to work out Saturday, but our cram-too-many-things-into-one-day schedule didn't allow for that.  I did sleep more, but mostly only because I didn't get my lazy butt out of bed in the morning.  Somehow in the middle of all of that, I hit my goal and have lost 2.8 pounds since 2012 began.

* Spiritually - Because I didn't get out of bed to work out or even in time to sit down and read my daily Bible and prayer readings, I fell behind.  I hated that feeling and have now caught up (reading five days' worth Sunday, yesterday, and today, splitting up the four sections each day).  In a way it was helpful to have skipped the readings, because it allowed me to see how different my attitude is when I read my Bible in the morning versus when I don't.  My oldest is NOT a morning person, so the morning routine can get a bit tense at our house as I need to remind her several times to get her shoes on, finish her milk, brush her teeth, find her coat, and go back in the house to get her bag.  Last week my temper flared, and I was short with her almost every morning.  There was a lot of yelling on Friday, too, as she was home for the snow day and less than enthused about spending the day here instead of with her friends.  Then, this morning, her routine was no different.  There were still countless reminders, but I just had so much more peace.  There's a lesson in that as I reflect on all that starting my day in the Word brings to my life.  I stink at writing down my daily "thankful" notes, so my focus really needs to be on that in order to make it a habit.


* Creatively - I still haven't written my review for my first book of the year, and I'll be finishing book number two either today or tomorrow.  So, maybe you'll get lucky and receive TWO book reviews in one week.  I know you can't wait.  The late start to my days has also made blogging tricky, so I'm behind in that.  It's interesting that I've begun thinking in "blog" as I confront my day looking for what I want to make a subject or where my muses lie.  I've missed thinking that way and enjoy the feeling of being a writer that it gives me. 

I had a conversation today with my Writer Friend as we discussed my full DVR.  She said that maybe there would come a point soon that I say "If I haven't watched it in X weeks, then I need to just delete it" or that I consider the fact that there are X number of episodes stored there and I'm losing interest in catching up . . . for some reason I don't like that idea.  It seems so strange that I should care so much, but there's something about me that is clinging to the fact that I'm missing out.  On what, I'm not really sure.  Many of the shows I don't even miss.  "Hawaii Five-O" is the only show that I will actually stay up late to watch, and there are only a few that I wish I had time to sit down and enjoy.  But deleting those others--the ones I have three or four episodes stored--just feels so final.  Like I'm acknowledging that self discipline sometimes means giving up vegging on the sofa wasting time over the latest hilarity to hit Marshall and Lily or what havoc Jack (& the Beanstalk) is creating for everyone's favorite Grimm and what songs Blaine and Curt are mashing together at McKinley.  I know I don't care about it, but I think I care about not just lying around every day and actually getting several things accomplished--by 8:30 a.m.
For the mean time, I have this blog entry completed, Peter Alexander is filling me in on the latest campaign news on the Nightly News, Bossypants is waiting for me to finish it before tomorrow night's book club, and my wonderful husband is finishing up his dinner date with our three beautiful daughters.  A hiccup is a just a hiccup, and this week is back on track.

One Week

So it's been one week since we started 2012.  That's an appropriate time for an assessment of how I'm doing meeting my goals so I know if I need to kick it in gear or revise anything that might be a bit over the top.

* Physically - I have been doing much better with my food.  There have been many days when I have not eaten what I was craving, because I put it off long enough that I forgot about it.  I did have a hamburger on Sunday, but it was only after choosing salads and healthier foods for four days instead of the burger I wanted.  Also, I worked out at 5:15 a.m. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday; took the girls for a (brief) walk on Saturday; and walked 1.8 miles to a friend's house on Sunday.  Not 45 minutes a day, but definitely far better than I had been.  I've been averaging 6-7 hours of sleep a night, so I need to kick that in gear.

* Spiritually - I have read the Bible every day but one and am on track with my KINGDOM Reading Plan.  I've also been praying more regularly (led by Everyday Prayers by Scotty Smith) and have kept (mostly) current on my blessings list.

* Creatively - I finished my first book of the year, The Discovery of Witches, by Deborah Harkness (review to come tomorrow or later today).  I have also blogged every day but one.  I couldn't blog that day, though, because the internet was down.

All in all, I'd say this is going quite well.  As I was getting into bed last night, I thought about how I've "magically" had enough time to do things that I haven't been able to do before.  I thought about my fairly clean house--not even a goal, though it should have been (should probably add doing laundry into the goal list!--the organized playroom, the dishes done, and our morning routine organized.  And then I wondered how I possibly had time to do all of this when I didn't actually gain anything more than one hour in my morning.

Then I thought about how full my DVR is.  Oh.  So that's where I got those extra hours each day . . .

Growing Up

When you read about lifestyle changes, you generally read that you should start small.  How do you eat an elephant?  One bite at a time.  So you aren't supposed to try to do everything at once, but you should break it down into more manageable goals.

I didn't do that this year. 

The other day as I was working out, my workout buddy and I were chatting about our common goal to get healthier this year.  I explained to her that I felt like I needed to do it all at once because I've tried it piece by piece before, and I never make it.  I don't know if I get bored or feel like it's not making a difference or if I just get distracted.  Whatever it is, it never works.  So this year I decided to go for broke.  Put all my proverbial eggs in one basket.  Go big or go home.  Go all in.  (I have more cliches if you need them.)

Some mornings it feels crazy, but at the end of the day it always feels accomplished.  As I was reading my Bible this morning, it felt like something more.  It felt like growing up.

In a word, what I'm saying is Grow up.  You're kingdom subjects.  Now live like it.  Live out your God-created identity.  Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you.                                                                             Matthew 5:48, The Message

So, yeah.  I'm trying to eat the whole elephant in one bite.  I know that some morning it's going to feel more than crazy.  It's going to feel overwhelming.  But I also know that it's time I grow up.  God gave me the spirit of self-discipline.  Now I just need to live like it.  Live my God-created identity.  Be who I am.  So let's get to it.

I'll Get By With a Little Help From My Friends

Oh, Tuesday morning, 5:15 came far too early.  Monday nights are always a late night for me, because I can't resist staying up late to get my Scott Caan Hawaii Five-0 fix.  Last night meeting my 2012 goals meant a bit of a late start for my television viewing, and I kept forgetting to fast forward through the commercials.  That all led to me not getting into bed until about 11:30 p.m.  I knew that 5:00 alarm was going to feel like only minutes after my head hit the pillow.

It did.

Thankfully I had a hot date at the gym this morning, and she was picking me up at 5:15 a.m.  I'm grateful that I didn't have a choice to sleep in and just "go later" (ie. not at all) because Leah was going to be waiting in front of my house.  I didn't want her to start honking or anything and waking up the rest of the neighborhood so everyone would know that I slacked off!  And then there was the mutual fear we shared that our friend Eric would show up at the gym at 6:00 a.m. and report to all he knew that we were missing.  (Let me note publicly that we were there, and he was not.)

Chatty Leah and Chatty Beka probably annoyed most of the rest of the gym goers, but it surely made my 35 minutes on the treadmill feel about as short as my night of sleep felt.  And, I have to say, I was actually pretty excited about going to the gym this morning. 

After the gym, I made some tea and did my reading for today and spent some time in prayer.  Three days down.  How many more to make this a habit?  Grateful to have some friends to help me make it there.

New Beginnings

It's the day of resolutions.  The new beginning to becoming all that I really am.  As I face 2012, I find myself wondering if I'll make it, or if I'll be sitting here one year from today, writing the same thing.  I don't want my resolutions to be just dreams, I want them to be something that can really come true.  Something that I can really make happen. 

Armed with my already well-worn copy of Reshaping It All by Candace Cameron Bure (yeah, I was skeptical too), I'm confident that I will fail miserably at keeping any of these resolutions.  But I know who won't.  And so, here I go, reshaping it all, with my eyes on the One who makes all things possible.

Resolved, to live according to the truth found in 1 Timothy 2:17, recognizing that God has given me the spirit of self discipline, so I don't need to search it out anywhere else, and He has given me the spirit of love, so I can be found faithful.

Accordingly, I will strive to live out self discipline and faithful love in the following ways:
* Physically: Food is fuel.  God intended it to taste good and be enjoyable, but "it is only a cookie--it cannot help."  Exercise is an essential part of honoring God physically.  So is sleep. 
    Goal - I want to lose 60 pounds by December 31.
    Plan - I will learn to control my portions, stop eating when I am full, wait 15 minutes before giving in to a craving, get 7 hours of sleep each night, and exercise at least 45 minutes each week day.

* Spiritually: God is my life.  Without Him I am nothing, and I have nothing.  I need to center my day on Him.
    Goal - I want to read through the Bible this year and live a more grateful life.
    Plan - I will spend 30 minutes praying and reading the Bible each morning, using the KINGDOM Bible Reading Plan.  I will also write down a blessing each day using the year calendar from A Holy Experience.

* Mentally: I have spent the last year feeling dry and like I'm barely holding on.  I ended the year getting organized with colored Sharpies and a giant calendar on the wall.  But I still owe myself--and God, who created me with this mind and these passions and talents--more than organized chaos.  I need to challenge and express myself.
    Goal - I want to blog at least 25 days a month, and I want to read at least 24 books this year.
    Plan - I'll read all of our book club books (have the list and can start reading ahead), and I will also try to tackle at least one additional book from my bookshelf each month.  I'm also going to "steal" 15 minutes each day for myself where I can explore my thoughts on my blog. 

On the 24th of each month I'm going to reflect on the previous month so I can measure my progress and make any adjustments I need to.  So, that's it.  Above all, I want to honor Him with each of these areas of my life.  I know that tapping in to the power that He has given me and making Him the focus of it all, I'll make it.  When 2013 dawns, I hope to look just a bit more like who I was created to be and a much greater reflection of the Father who made me that way.

Success Equals Five

Today, November 6, marks the day of success. I have now "blogged" every day (except the first) of November. In addition, I have now "blogged" more in the month of November than I did in the entire first ten months of the year. Nice.

I've come to realize that my problem is prioritizing. I can't blame it all on my work-from-home job, though I'm sure that is part of it. At the end of the day, though, there are more than enough hours to raise my girls, do my job, clean my house, and fulfill my drive to create. There have to be, or I'm not going to make it through the next 18 years until Addie is on her way to the University of Notre Dame (or Cornell).

Oh, to master prioritizing.

Oh, to master getting out of bed at 5:45 a.m. to take my shower, get in some devos (at DeVos or in my big, comfy chair), blog a bit, and then make breakfast for the girls. That, of course, means prioritizing the end of my day--vegging in front of the TV, watching the news for the 10th time that day, or climbing into bed? It all depends on what my priorities are . . . vegging or becoming who I'm supposed to be.

I used to meet my Dear Writer Friend at DeVos for devos once a month. It wasn't really devos as much as outlining our goals--physical, spiritual, financial, emotional, creative, and professional. I found my notes the other day from our last meeting before DWF moved to the sunset. That was years ago. She's back now, and I'm no further on crossing those things off my list. Well, except for write a letter to/call Grandma once each week. She's in heaven now, so I'm exempt from that one.

So . . .
Physical. I need abs. And I have dozens and dozens of pounds to lose to be healthy. I want to be a runner some day.
Spiritual. I need to pray. More. Some. At all.
Financial. Thanks to Dave Ramsey, we have had some success here. There is still a long way to go, though. Gotta snowball.
Emotional. I need some space. Some time. Something for me. Tomorrow I should have time away. But I need to create that time with my friends, too. And some accountability to get it all in.
Creative. Blogging daily is a good start. How about that journal which shall be burned upon my death? (Really. I think I mastered that spell from reading through the Harry Potter series three times.) I have a lot of books on my shelf that need to be read, too. They're crying out for it, and so is my brain.
Professional. I need to develop a work schedule for each week and stick to it. There is much for me to learn to do my job well, so I should learn it. I also need to chat with Mom about the blogging (there it is again!) and other social networking she needs me to take on for her. Creativity in exchange for free child care? Works for me! And DWF just might get me on Twitter after all, though it my be as my mom.

So maybe success actually equals six, but five is a better start than I've made in a long, long time.