Epic Mommy Moments

In my ongoing effort to cultivate a healthy  (ie. generous but realistic) self-esteem in my three daughters, I regularly talk to them about what they have to offer the world and all the things that make them special.  My mom started this with my oldest niece.  From the time each of my mom's five granddaughters was born, she would tell them a special "I love you" followed by a question: "And why do I love you so much?"  The girls have been conditioned from their earliest words to shout, "Just because I'm ME!" in response.  It has caused many laughs, see the "Just because I'm YOU!" and "Just because you're ME!" phases, but it has also grown to include the same response to others who ask a similar question, like when I asked my youngest daughter the other day.  I said, "Do you know why I love you like crazy, forever and ever, no matter what?"  Her answer warmed my heart, because she nailed it.

I also want to teach my girls to be awesome to each other because life is hard.  There are enough dream stompers in the world.  I want my girls to be dream builders, dream encouragers, dream deliverers, dream followers.  So sometimes when they get out of the van in the morning, I say, "Be great today!"  I don't mean "Be well-behaved," or "Do really well in school."  I mean, "Be great for someone else--be your best you."

My favorite song is Jennifer Knapp's "Martyrs and Thieves," and even though I know they probably will I still hope they won't ever have "ghosts from their pasts that own more of their souls than they thought they had given away."

Because I have those ghosts.  And I spend days telling them to shut up and working to convince them that their voices aren't the loudest in my ears.  And it's exhausting.  So I'd like to avoid that wherever possible.

To that end, the other day my two oldest and I had a "Martyrs and Thieves" conversation where I got to ask them the most important question I know for my own life: "Could it be that my worth should depend on the crimson-stained grace on a hand?"

And I told them the same is true for them.  Their worth depends on the crimson-stained grace on a hand.  There's freedom and confidence in that.

There's also permission to be awesome to other people and to yourself.  To be great.  And to be a dream builder, a dream encourager, a dream deliverer.  A dream follower.

So that was a win.  Even when they asked about the "crimson-stained" part and looked a little squeamish when I told them that was Jesus' blood.

Then a while back I read a blog post written from a father to his daughter. It really was great, and one of the things he said there is that he works hard to help his girls understand that while they are pretty and should try to take care of themselves, the most important beauty they possess comes from within. It's in their hearts. 

I like that question he asks when he tucks his daughter in at night.  "Honey, where are you the most beautiful?"

Well, what kind of mom would I be if I didn't take that opportunity?  So the other day I talked to my girls about that too. And it was an epic conversation that went a little something like this:

Me: "Girls, where do you think you are the most beautiful?"

Oldest daughter: "Um, my hair is nice."

Middle daughter: "My eyes?"

Oldest daughter: "No! My smile!"

Me: "Those do look nice. But really it's on your insides."

Oldest and middle daughters look at each other with disgusted expressions.

Middle daughter: "In our guts?!"

Me: "Well, not exactly.  I mean in your heart."

Oldest daughter: "Not too much better.  That's really gross and bloody."

Me: "Well, not your heart, really.  Not, like, the heart that beats your blood around.  But your inside.  You know, how you treat people and stuff."

Middle daughter: "Well, we are pretty nice.  So I guess we have beautiful guts."


You guys, they're 8 and 6 and 4.  And they get it!  They've figured out their worth depends on bloody hands, and they're most beautiful in their guts.  And the whole reason they are loved is because they are themselves.  They really get it!  My work here is done.