Last night, my husband and I sent our kids off to Grandma and Grandpa's house, enjoyed dinner out at Licari's Sicilian Pizza Kitchen, slept in a bit this morning, and then climbed into Jillian's Honda Pilot for the trip to the Big D. It was cloudy. It was windy. It was disappointing, because a rainout Friday night pushed the pitching off by a game, and we didn't get to see Justin Verlander pitch. It was COLD. And the first inning was terrible. Rick Porcello let 8 runs cross the plate, and only one of them was a home run (go, Josh!). The Rangers made it all the way through their batting order 1 1/2 times. In the 1st inning. The Tigers wouldn't get that far until the 5th. Things settled in, but it was still cold and ugly. And we were in the bleachers, and there were rowdy people all around us, and there were a lot of funny things to overhear.
So, here it is. As overheard in the car and at a cold and windy blowout game at Comerica Park:
*NOTE: Names have NOT been changed to protect the guilty, and context is provided only when it serves my purposes.
"Why can't Verlander pitch both games?" Random lady in line at the Mexican place
"I don't know anything about baseball. I just know that Verlander is my next husband." Same random lady after Jillian explained that Justin's arm would fall off if he pitched two games
"The case of Natty Ice I drank before coming here doesn't really help the situation any." Drunk girl sitting behind us
"I hate these nail-biter games. They make me so nervous!" Beka's dad, in a text message during the 1st inning, when the score reached 8-0
"Oh, is there a game going on? I thought it was Rangers batting practice." Beka's response
"Lady, I'm going to rip your visor off and take your bubbles." Jillian
"That's not your real hair." Matt, as muttered under his breath and subsequently overheard by the woman with the fake hair sitting several rows ahead of us. She then lifted her visor off to demonstrate.
"Stop it. This isn't a wedding." Jillian
"I've never been afraid to say how I feel." Jillian
"That's why you scared me." Matt
"Yes. That's why I was afraid of you." Beka, at the exact moment Matt was responding
"Now she's dancing. That's why I don't like women." Beka
"I used to get the two cheeseburgers meal supersized. When I was ten years old." Matt
"I can't stand Ben Roethlisberger as a person." Beka
"Well, I'm not really talking to him much personally, so I don't mind all that." Matt
Less than two hours later:
"I can't stand Ty Cobb. He was a terrible person." Matt
"I'm not too excited about Trader Joe's. Isn't it just some big flea market?" Matt
"Do you realize that you never see baby pigeons? You only see adult pigeons."
"...There is no such thing as baby pigeons." Random drunk girls behind us, arriving at this conclusion after a five-minute conversation consisting of comments exactly like the first line
"I'm going to start calling you guys camels and bring you a vat of water." Red Robin waitress to Beau
"Sister, you just keep driving your handicapped car!" Jillian
"That's so racist!" Matt, to Jillian
"I didn't say anything!" Jillian, pretending there was a defense for her actions
"I knew what you were thinking!" Matt
"I made a White Power shirt." Jillian
"Well, we had a Black Power one, too, so we were equal opportunity." Matt
"You were right two times today, Beau." Beka
"No. I was right three. That time and two others." Beau
"You cheated!" Beka, Matt, and Jillian
"Not every time." Beau
"Oh, s---." 70+-year-old woman, after realizing she and her husband were on the kiss cam
"Is there a rest area coming up? I need to stop. I drank a lot of water." Beau
"Where's the hump where you store your water, Camel?" Matt
We had a great time! Can't wait until our next double date with the crazy Gajtkas.
2 comments:
Plus other crazy one liners that are not appropriate for this post :)
LOL!! Love it! Sounds like you guys had a great time despite the depressing loss!
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