The Potty Training Diary

Day One
Assemble necessary items:
* Potty Chair
* Big girl underwear for shameless goalsetting
* Ample supply of pullups, featuring Dora and Sesame Street characters
* Star stickers
* Homemade potty chart (because why pay for one?!)
* Timer to remind us to potty every 30 minutes

Day Two
Scrap timer and just occasionally suggest we "try to potty"

Day Three
Add giant stack of favorite books to bathroom to encourage toddler to sit on toilet for more than ten seconds

Day Four
Realize that false hope is better than no hope at all

Day Five
Move big girl underwear out of dresser . . . acknowledge it will be a while; consider giving up all together

Day Six
Call both sets of grandparents to excitedly declare "I went potty four times!" Clarify that it is toddler we're talking about rather than Mommy and Daddy but admit that we do find ourselves announcing each visit with urgency and wondering why no one cheers us on.

Day Seven
Realize that four-potty-trip days don't qualify as any kind of hope

Day Eight
Agree with toddler that it's a waste of time to sit on potty reading when the cow chair is much more comfy

Day Nine
Wonder how parents have potty trained toddlers for centuries when yours clearly isn't going to catch on

Day Ten
Refigure budget to see if two sets of diapers will fit in; decide to give up eating in order to afford it all

Day Eleven
Sit in total shock and awe when toddler announces, "I have to ucky! Ucky on big girl potty!" and actually proceeds to pee-pee and poo-poo on said toilet. Wonder how Mommy got stuck cleaning out the potty afterwards. Also marvel at smile of pride on toddler's face and wonder how I could have considered giving up.