A letter of apology, to my oldest daughter--
Dear one, I owe you an apology. And I am very, very sorry.
There are so many places where I fall short in the eyes of the world or in the eyes I see in the mirror.
I am afraid when I should be brave. I don't write enough. Our house gets messy, and I fall behind on the laundry. You know I hate to cook, so we eat out too much. I have trouble saving our money, and we have more debt than we should. I don't work out enough. I eat too much ice cream. I stay up too late. And I sleep in too long. I watch more TV than is healthy, and I let you do the same. I don't spend as much time with Daddy as he deserves. I choose other things over spending time in prayer and reading my Bible. I yell at you for crazy things. I have a hard time controlling my temper. I don't like vegetables.
But somewhere along the line I did you a disservice. Somewhere, somehow, I let you believe that those things are how I see myself. I let you believe that I don't think I'm enough. And then, that translated into you believing you aren't enough.
And, oh, my precious one. You are.
You.
Are.
Enough.
You have those beautiful blue eyes and a great smile that makes them disappear. I love your apple cheeks everyone says are mine. You are smart and funny and caring. You live up to your name because, like grace, you can make beauty out of ugly things.
I still remember when your preschool friend Lily's baby brother died right after he was born. You waited for Lily to come back to preschool, and when she did, you held her hand and sat by her. Because she needed you. You were three, Baby. Three. But that shouldn't be a surprise, because I remember how you looked at Jerry lying in his casket when you were less than one year old. You probably thought he was sleeping, except you looked at him like you saw him differently than the rest of us did. And then you turned to Miss Nancy, and you reached for her to give her the love you had tucked in your tiny baby heart. And, just last month, I watched you work through your frustration to figure out how to draw an elephant just in case you needed to remind our family that you have their backs. Nobody loves more than you do, honey.
I love how much you love Ivy and your friends and reading and messy rooms and Marie Grace and Trixie Belden and sleeping in and riding your bike and Paris and not working hard. I love that you don't like to fly but you still want to see the world and go to France some day. I love getting to know the beautiful young woman you are becoming.
And I am sorry for not telling you that enough. Because I am proud of who you are. I am proud of you. And I am proud to be your mom.
You are enough, Baby Girl. Enough. And you always will be, no matter what.
I wish I could see myself through your eyes, and I wish you could see yourself through mine. Then you would sit up tall. And you would take on the world like a mighty warrior. Like a beautiful, mighty warrior. Like a girl who loves like no one else can. And you would proud to be you.
Tuesday, September 29, 2015
Reviewing: Wild in the Hollow
Wild in the Hollow
by Amber C. Haines
Subtitled "On Chasing DESIRE & Finding the Broken Way HOME," Wild in the Hollow is at times memoir and at others rambling essay. I mean that in the best way possible. Amber C. Haines's prose isn't always easy to follow, but hang in there--what she's saying is worth hearing. And it's all beautiful.
Wild in the Hollow follows Haines's literal journey from her roots in the hollows of Alabama to her small house with acreage in Arkansas. It also details her spiritual journey, lived through addiction and running from God to the ache of loneliness in the middle of a marriage and the art of pursuing His heart in the midst of personal dreams. And with Haines's "soulful" way of writing, it's all stated matter-of-factly with no judgment and full transparency.
I enjoyed both journeys. And I enjoyed seeing my own journey to find "home" in the pages. As Haines reveals the culmination of her journey (to this point anyway) in her life, her marriage, her church, her friendships, her faith, and her parenting, I found myself in there as well.
Nobody writes like Amber C. Haines. I'm telling you--even the acknowledgements contain nuggets I want to never forget. She writes beautifully and vividly and honestly.
Disclosure: I received this book free through the Revell Reads Blog Tour program in exchange for my honest review. I was not required to read a positive review, and all opinions expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255.
by Amber C. Haines
Subtitled "On Chasing DESIRE & Finding the Broken Way HOME," Wild in the Hollow is at times memoir and at others rambling essay. I mean that in the best way possible. Amber C. Haines's prose isn't always easy to follow, but hang in there--what she's saying is worth hearing. And it's all beautiful.
Wild in the Hollow follows Haines's literal journey from her roots in the hollows of Alabama to her small house with acreage in Arkansas. It also details her spiritual journey, lived through addiction and running from God to the ache of loneliness in the middle of a marriage and the art of pursuing His heart in the midst of personal dreams. And with Haines's "soulful" way of writing, it's all stated matter-of-factly with no judgment and full transparency.
I enjoyed both journeys. And I enjoyed seeing my own journey to find "home" in the pages. As Haines reveals the culmination of her journey (to this point anyway) in her life, her marriage, her church, her friendships, her faith, and her parenting, I found myself in there as well.
Nobody writes like Amber C. Haines. I'm telling you--even the acknowledgements contain nuggets I want to never forget. She writes beautifully and vividly and honestly.
Disclosure: I received this book free through the Revell Reads Blog Tour program in exchange for my honest review. I was not required to read a positive review, and all opinions expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255.
Reviewing: Last Chance Hero
Last Chance Hero
by Cathleen Armstrong
The fourth installment in Cathleen Armstrong's A Place to Call Home series, Last Chance Hero, tells the story of Jess, a young doctor who moves to Last Chance to open a rural medical practice, and Andy, former Last Chance football hero turned high school football coach. It's a sweet romance in its truest form without feeling cheesy or contrived.
I chose to read this book because I'm intrigued by small-town relationships and drawing faith into fiction without making it preachy. Armstrong does both very well. She paints characters vividly with dialogue--from long paragraphs that are spoken quickly to a daily joke that is at once simple and profound--and description. Though this was my first visit to Last Chance, I left feeling like I knew the characters well. And, I left feeling encouraged in my faith even when things don't go according to my own plans.
Without saying too much and ruining one of the story lines, I do wish Armstrong had given us more of one of the characters and had devoted more of her page to him. At the same time, every word he is given paints him--and God's grace--vividly.
Disclosure: I received this book free through the Revell Reads program in exchange for my honest review. I was not required to write a positive review, and all opinions expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in compliance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255.
by Cathleen Armstrong
The fourth installment in Cathleen Armstrong's A Place to Call Home series, Last Chance Hero, tells the story of Jess, a young doctor who moves to Last Chance to open a rural medical practice, and Andy, former Last Chance football hero turned high school football coach. It's a sweet romance in its truest form without feeling cheesy or contrived.
I chose to read this book because I'm intrigued by small-town relationships and drawing faith into fiction without making it preachy. Armstrong does both very well. She paints characters vividly with dialogue--from long paragraphs that are spoken quickly to a daily joke that is at once simple and profound--and description. Though this was my first visit to Last Chance, I left feeling like I knew the characters well. And, I left feeling encouraged in my faith even when things don't go according to my own plans.
Without saying too much and ruining one of the story lines, I do wish Armstrong had given us more of one of the characters and had devoted more of her page to him. At the same time, every word he is given paints him--and God's grace--vividly.
Disclosure: I received this book free through the Revell Reads program in exchange for my honest review. I was not required to write a positive review, and all opinions expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in compliance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255.
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