Seasons of Life

It's an interesting thing, life. We go through times, or seasons, where people often shrug off what we're feeling by saying, "Eh, it's a season of life. Enjoy it. It won't last long."

Here I am, only 30, and I feel like I've been through a million seasons. Some that weren't worth enjoying and others that have left behind memories I'll cherish forever. On second thought, I think that all of them have left behind at least ONE memory worth cherishing. Even if it is just how we got the heck out of there alive!

And here we find ourselves in some new seasons.

Young Family: There have been three, and soon there will be four. That's a crazy thing to think about and a big adjustment to make. With it come joys and triumphs . . . and heartaches. We had a great time camping, until Ellie fell out of the trailer and landed on her face. No real damage, but some real trauma--for Ellie because her cookie broke; for Mommy because my Ellie was lying in a heap at the bottom of the steps. We peed on the big girl potty. After three attempts, a minute amount actually came out! Yay! Real progress!!

Another thing that comes with this is being in the "child-bearing" season of life. Between August 2007 and May 2008, I know more than 15 people having babies!!

Adult Child: Even though I am the youngest in my family, somehow a lot seems to fall to me . . . my grandma (91 years old) lives with my mom. Since Dad is in Iraq, every time my realtor mom has to be out of town, Ellie and I pack up our lives and move to Mom's to stay with Grandma. The inevitable conversations about what to do with Grandma or about Grandma also fall to me. As does camping in October. It works, but it's more than awkward. I'd like to not be an adult child anymore.

Here I also grieve my father's absence. It's hard to keep in touch, but maybe that's because I'm lazy. I know it is no indication of my feelings for my dad or the degree of my missing him. He'll be home in January, and I know we'll cherish each moment we have. But I also know that he'll leave again until April. He won't meet Megan until she is 2 1/2 months old. That is hard. I also grieve my mom. She misses him so desperately, and her reflections on it don't match up with her actions toward it. My inclination is to withdraw from the whole situation . . . but I owe Ellie more than that somehow. I owe myself and my parents more than that, too.

The "Wedding" Season: I thought we were past this . . . and we were, for our college friends and such. We entered this season again, though, because I worked in youth ministry for four years. That saw three lovely ladies through four years of high school . . . through driving, dating, prom, graduation, college, and into adulthood. Amber is getting married March 15. Then she's moving to Oregon (another reason to visit!!). Sarah is getting married July 12. Then she's moving to grad school in Boston, NYC, Connecticut, or some other distant locale that would LOVE to be my family's vacation destination. Jillian is getting married at the end of September. Then she is staying in West Virginia--a long drive, but a lovely spot to see. The significance with these weddings is that we are no longer asked to be groomsmen, ushers, or bridesmaids. Instead, we're invited to serve as Master and Mistress of Ceremonies(!) for Sarah and Jillian, and Ellie is invited to be a flower girl for Jillian. Craziness. See how the seasons overlap?

I'm sure there are more. For instance, I can add At-home Mom, and Beau can soon (hopefully) add Grad School Student. In the mean time, we're just trying to figure out what these seasons look like for us, how to get out of some of them quickly or with our sanity, and how we can afford the others.

Growing up is strange. But it's also lovely. I'm glad to be in a place that I wasn't five years ago. The knowledge is great, and the progress is essential. It's also interesting to think of what labels we'll give our seasons five years from now. In all of GOd's wisdom, we can't identify those seasons yet. We don't know where the joys will come in or where the heartache will come in. All we know for certain is that we are loved. By many. And we are carried when we need it, and we carry when they need it.

And that's the greatest beauty.

Are you going through a dry spell
I was there awhile ago
Now I've come to a place where the rain falls
Where the trees bear fruit and grow
Where I find a refuge in my God
It's a place of surrender I know
I look at God and see what I want to be
He looks at me and sees His own

Seasons change
And then they pass
No way to know how long they'll last
I'd love to know the reason why
But God knows
Seasons change
- Seasons Change, Crystal Lewis

Being a Mom and Embarking on New Adventures

I've been awake for four hours so far today. That doesn't count the times I woke up while I meant to be sleeping. It's been a busy four hours, and Ellie has cried for almost all of them. There was a peaceful hour before she woke up, but then all hell--and runny noses--seems to have broken loose. I don't know what brought it on.

My head finally was aching so badly that I carried her upstairs and shut her in her room. And now I feel terrible about it. It's not like I used a dog kennel or anything like that. Her room is lovely--complete with a pink bean bag, bumble bee bookends, an empty diaper box that doubles as a boat, a comfy big-girl bed, a CD player, and a box of Kleenex that has been emptied one by one onto the floor too many times to result in smooth Kleenexes. And I brought books up with us. But I still feel awful. I just couldn't deal with the crying anymore. Does that make me a bad mom?

Maybe her problem is the fact that Liam is here today. She stays with him on Tuesdays while I work, and I watch him on Wednesdays while his mom enjoys a day of peace alone. If three crazy cats and a loud dog qualify as alone. Anyway, Ellie melted down last week Wednesday, too. She hit, she pushed, she cried, she whined, she screamed, and she horded toys. She doesn't like to share. She's going to eat Baby Megan, isn't she? Or lock her up in a dog kennel.

Thank God we don't have a dog.

In other news, we're camping this weekend. Clearly we're insane. At least Grandma found a nice camper for us all to use. Tomorrow, Ellie and Mommy will drive to meet "Bamma Binga" in way-too-cold-and-rainy Ludington where we'll enjoy four days and three nights on the coast of the Great Lake that looks like an ocean on stormy days. Did I mention the storm we're supposed to get tomorrow? Yeah. Clearly we're crazy. At least the camper has a TV and VCR. Plus I'm bringing cookies.

Then, next week we embark on Mission Potty Training. Clearly I'm insane.

By the way, if my daughter grows up to be as rude as the president of the United States is, I'm buying a dog kennel for her.

The Lofty Task of Motherhood

I came across this today: " 'Salvation' isn't just about me, BTW. It's good news for the people around me, too, when I live as Jesus taught. His way of living restores relationships, sets injustices right, frees me from anxiety and slavery to money, for instance, and is GREAT news for the most vulnerable people in my life, when I try to live in a way that brings the Kingdom to Earth, as it is in Heaven." (see comments)

It strikes me that, as a mother, "salvation" truly changes the way that I raise my children. It changes the way that I think about, treat, care for my unborn daughter, and it changes the way that I discipline, love, potty train my oldest daughter. It changes the way I live my life. It has to. And it truly does have to be good news--for me, yes, but for everyone around me.

I love the way the author, in his comment above explains salvation--by grace, through faith, not works--to an admitted nonChristian who inquired about how this relevant gospel changes our lives . . . and brings about good works without requiring them. I want to save this forever and share it with my little girls when they ask why we go to church every Sunday. Ellie, Meg, it isn't about making our lives richer or seeing our friends or complaining about how weak the coffee is . . . it's about learning how to make OUR salvation GREAT news for the people we meet every day. For our friends, for our enemies, for our families, for our neighbors, and for the most vulnerable people in our lives.

Does being a Christian have an impact on my parenting? Does being a Christian have an impact on the television I watch? On the jobs I take? On the job I do at the job I took, or the way I talk about my friends or my pastor or my coworker, or the way I spend my money? What about the way I vote and what issues make me angry? It damn well better. But maybe it isn't being a Christian that does it . . . maybe it's "being saved" that does it. Because I'm "saved," my whole life needs to change . . . and it needs to change for the better. Because if my neighbors hate to see me coming, then it surely isn't good news. And I heard once that if it isn't good news, then it isn't the Good News . . . for anybody.